LoveNotes: Part 11

Why is Dating Haraam?

-Leads to Zina (illegal sexual intercourse; one of the major sins in Islam)
-Allah says in Qur’an: “come not even NEAR to Zina” ; doesn’t say: don’t commit Zina; sets guidelines to not even come close to the sin
-Man and woman are alone and shaitan is the third
-Perfect privacy (khalwa) violated
-People think dating is good because they should know each other before marriage, etc.
-but actually, dating makes their relationship get old.
-Ever wonder why all the Hollywood people get divorced a few months into marriage? They have already been dating for years and years!
-When we say dating is haraam, doesn’t mean we are promoting BLIND Marriages!!! Islam does NOT promote blind marriages; ie. You should KNOW person you are marrying but under HALAL circumstances, in a HALAL environment.

-Woman needs a wali to get married = FARDH (compulsory)
-Wali needs to be over the age of puberty/able to help/good judgment/good knowledge Deen-wise, etc. etc.

-Matrimonial services = OK with the permission of Wali
-Dating industry = huge in the west
-There should be supervision
-Families should come together

Regarding the Engagement Ring:

JOKE: Marriage requires three rings, one of which is obligatory:
-Wedding Ring
-Engagement Ring
-SuffeRing (obligatory, LOL)

-Most scholars say that wedding/engagement rings are imitating the non-believers/customs.
-Wedding ring is haram according to some scholars.
-Even if you do follow opinion that it’s not haram, you should NOT think the ring is something required in the Deen or that you should do it.

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Role of the Female Family Members in Marriage:

-Females play major role in marriages culturally
-Human culture: because of disintegration of family members they don’t rely on this process too much anymore
-Many men ask female family members, matrimonial services.

Is it allowed for a man to directly propose to a woman? (Islamically). YES.
(depends on the culture)

Vice versa?

-Islamically OK for woman to propose and select husband too
-Culturally = taboo
-Khadija (ra) proposed to RasulAllah (s)

-Islamically it’s ok for family member to propose on their behalf
(but daughter/son has to agree of course)

-Imam Samarkandee: Tuhfatul Fuqaha: Summarization of Abu Hanifa
-had a beautiful daughter
-religious daughter; memorized book Bada’ee was-samaee
-Sharh Tufatul Fuqaha: Imam Kasani
-Imam Kasani married his daughter
-he loved her so much and passionately
-he was so sad when she died; visited her grave

-Even scholars can love!!!

-It’s allowed in Islam for a woman to propose directly to man
-A woman came directly to the Prophet (s)
-Prophet (s) lowered gaze; didn’t accept; another guy married her
-culturally, this is not acceptable but not haram