LoveNotes: Part 12

Lowering Your Gaze

-Islamically =prohibited to look directly at opposite gender
-->you should lower your gaze
-If you look at everybody, internet, TV, etc = bad consequences
-Ibn Hazm said: Eyes are the gate to your heart (Ibn Qayyim said similar)

Exemptions:
-Court
-Marriage contract
-7 and under: you don’t really need to lower gaze
-But kids nowadays = more mature than before

-->lowering gaze more important for men than women (but fard on both)
-Aisha and Prophet (s) watched Abbyssinians cheek to cheek.Prophet (s) asked her, are you done? She said “No”; he asked again later, are you done, she said “yes”
-Aisha said: “wallahi I didn’t do it for the watching, I did it to be near the Prophet (s)”
-->RasulAllah (s) was so spiritual yet so human

Looking at One’s Prospective Bride:

-Mustahhab to see each other/talk to each other/know each other with the presence of the Wali
-This will make marriage last longer
Reason: obviously, to identify physical attraction and emotional/mental attraction

Conditions?
-You’re allowed to see the person once and then propose-not more
-Seek permission of Wali
-Most important condition: have intention of marriage
-How many times can you meet?
-You can meet however many times but you need a wali

Questionable Ways:
-Webcam OK but make sure it’s in the presence of Mahram
-Wali HAS to be there
-casual situations OK
-Celibate marriages allowed
-engagement period = Promise
-temptation= problem for young people: suitable solution when they’re at school
-physical intimacy = later time

Marital Rights

-Most dangerous areas/part of marriage
-Man and woman come with own baggages and preconceived notions
-When people don’t understand rights = big problem
-Sometimes man overlaps his circle and makes wife’s circle of rights small
-Sometimes men’s circle gets small
-Qur’an: men have a degree of authority and responsibility over women
-Allah created people at different levels
-Contract = partnership
-Islamically, woman keeps her identity (keeps her father’s name, etc)
-Advantage of man = degree of responsibility

Are Men and Women Equal?

-It’s a matter of EQUITY not EQUALITY
-“the female is not like the male”
-Allah created men and women in different ways
-Idea of preferences is equal between men and women
-In some areas, men preferred over women; in some areas women preferred over men
-Women well known in linguistic abilities
-women express themselves through words/nicer
-Men express themselves through physical actions; men = more blunt
-When man confronted with troubling argument, he changes subject or says: stop
-Woman cries but comes with new argument
-woman can cry but still talk, LOL
-Man escapes into his cave
-Men and women overall have even scales even if there are different ROLES
-Men and women are equal in humanity and religion
-Rights of education and property/finance
-“The best of you are the best to their families”
-women first given rights in ISLAM
-Why should a man take double the inheritance?
-based on financial responsibility and obligations
-man MUST take care of family
-based on fairness
-Why men given leadership over home?
-someone needs to take leadership
-matter of distributing responsibility
-Kind treatment to women = sunnah of Prophet (s)